Take care of yourself

"No one serves their friends by grinding themselves into dust on the altar of compassion." -- Seanan McGuire, "In an Absent Dream" "When he told you you're not worthy "When he told you you're not loved "When he told you you're not beautiful "You'll never be enough "Fear, he is a liar" -- Zach Williams, "Fear Is a Liar" A person falling down cannot help others stand. Lord, it took me too long and too many heartbreaks to learn that lesson. But learn it I have. I know it, and on good days I even feel it in my heart and bones, but still I struggle often -- maybe always -- to put it into practice. I struggle with self-care. I know the importance of making sure you're good before you can do any good for anybody else. You have to have your own strength, your own peace, your own wisdom to know which is needed before you can offer any of those things to anybody else. Self-care is not selfish, as I've long errantly thought. Taking care of yourself allows you to serve, allows you to nurture, allows you to maintain your own center of emotional gravity so you can hold onto someone else in his or her own journey toward caring for himself or herself. Self-care does not mean self-gratification. It does not mean getting everything you want or pampering yourself. It certainly doesn't mean ignoring the needs of others for the sake of your own or demanding that others serve you. Rather, self-care means simply you get enough so you have enough to give. It means working out all the muscles of your mind, body, and soul so they're strong enough both to do what you need to do to keep carrying your own burdens and to help carry the burdens of others. If you allow any of those muscles to atrophy, parts of yourself can collapse under the weight of even everyday pressures -- God forbid the world drop an anvil of a problem on your shoulders -- and then you can end up useless to yourself and others. Sometimes, you need others to help you carry your burdens long enough for you to get a better handle on them so you can lift yourself. Never discount the importance of relationships -- friends and family and other networks of support, such as church families and good coworkers -- to a healthy life. But caring for oneself is really about what you do on your own so you can do for others. Self-care, for me, begins with a good diet and exercise (I still haven't fully met those New Year's resolutions) so can I maintain enough physical fitness and health so I don't have to add to my burdens worries over my body. I've gotten lately into calisthenics and have been into yoga for a while, now. I shoot for five days a week of exercise and not eating too much junk. I try to focus on strengthening my mind, too. My work and writing this weekly column gives me plenty of mental exercise, but I also try to read as much as I can. So far this year, I've finished "Killers of the Flower Moon" and a great biography of Abraham Lincoln and I'm nearly finished with a John Grisham novel. I'm behind the pace I'd hoped to set, but still reading every day. Mind strength also means emotional strength. Yoga helps with some of that by offering centerness and serenity and focus. I also try to practice breathing exercises -- inhaling slowly through the nose, holding briefly, exhaling slowly through the mouth. And I do my best to practice forgiveness, each day trying -- sometimes failing -- to let go of the wrongs committed against me by others and the wrongs I've committed against myself and others. I try to count my blessings, literally numbering them in my head in the mornings as I cool down from working out. Finally, self-care, for me, includes spiritual strengthening. There, I've struggled the most. I let myself fall behind on my Bible reading and I often grumble and groan before praying for God's assistance. But I'm trying to do better. I've started listening to gospel tunes to get my mind right for the exercises. Forgiving others and yourself contributes to spiritual strength. Self-care may look different to you. You may exercise your body, mind, and soul in different ways, or you may need more or less of one of those things. But I hope you each can find the time and the strength to make room for bettering yourself and caring for yourself so that you might be better friends, spouses, coworkers, fellow parishioners, parents, sons and daughters, neighbors. Take care of yourself, friends.