DEAR ANNIE: Toddler's birthday overshadowed by family wedding

Dear Annie: My cousin is getting married in November on the same day as my toddler's birthday. I am torn on how to do both. I really want my daughter to feel special for her fourth birthday, but I also want to support my cousin. My aunt (cousin's mom) said that we could sing happy birthday to my daughter at the wedding, but I don't want to take the focus off my cousin. Plus, I'm not sure if I would even want to take the kids to a wedding for a variety of reasons. First, I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I would like a break for a night. Secondly, I don't care to have my kids around a bunch of people who will be drinking alcohol. And third, I would like to have a few drinks myself at the wedding reception, but I don't want to do this in front of my kids. I do know a couple of people who I would easily trust to babysit for a night, so that isn't an issue at all. I just don't want my daughter to feel like I don't care about her birthday. I guess that's more "mom guilt" than anything. Is there something I could do to make it OK in my mind? I was thinking of maybe doing my daughter's birthday in the morning and then going to the wedding/reception that night. -- Torn on Support Dear Torn on Support: Your solution sounds like a good one, celebrating your daughter early and then getting a sitter. The other thing you could do is bring your daughter to the wedding (it is your family, after all, and I am sure there will be other children). You could bring her to the early part of the ceremony, and if your aunt and your cousin want to sing her happy birthday, then let them. Weddings are celebrations, and if she wants to give a little celebration to your 4-year-old, it could be a really special and once-in-a-lifetime way to celebrate her birthday. Dear Annie: That was good advice in your column regarding not dropping off one's pet at the "farm." But my question is, what do you do when your shelter will not take feral cats or lost cats? I've been contacting my local shelters, and none of them will take them, nor do they participate in spay and notch programs. Any other suggestions? -- Concerned Cat Person Dear Concerned Cat Person: A great many readers wrote in about the overcrowding of shelters. One thing we could do is always spay and neuter our pets. I welcome any suggestions from people who work in animal rescue on how we can protect more cats, dogs and horses. Dear Annie: I have a response to "Sad Farmer," who asked people not to drop off unwanted cats at "the farm" and to bring them to a shelter instead. Shelters are overwhelmed and underfunded. Let's take it a step further and keep the cats we committed to when we adopted them in the first place. It isn't always easy, but it's the right thing to do. -- Cat Friend Dear Cat Friend: Thank you for a wonderful suggestion, though, as you say, it is easier said than done. "How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.