If you love, you love unconditionally

There is an old saying, if you love something let it go, if it's meant to be it will come back to you. Personally, I don't believe it. In my opinion, if you love you love unconditionally, you love without any expectations. Love is the willingness and the ability to allow others the right to make their own choices for themselves without any insistence that those choices personally satisfy you. So, if you choose to let go, you let go out of love, not out of hope that the person will come running back.Letting go is hard. It hurts. It induces a feeling of fear. Letting go is separating. Separating from the predictable, criticism, rejection, hurt, the unknown and the anticipation. So, most people hold on out of fear that letting go will result in more pain and suffering. It is easy to forget that holding on induces pain, too.There is an analogy from Pema Chödrön: "Think of attachment as a closed fist. Non- attachment is an open palm. Non-attachment allows you to still be deeply connected to other people and the world around you. You aren't clinging so tightly to everything."When people want to control a person or situation it causes anxiety, it intensifies the emotions. So sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go. People will often perceive holding on as love, not giving up and non- attachment or letting go as disassociating or not caring. Really, letting go is one of the most selfless acts of love.Good parents try to raise good children who grow to become happy, kind, respectful adults. Parents raise children to move out, move on. Loving a child is knowing when to let go, allowing the child to make independent choices for what they believe and the life they want to live. In our society we are often judged by our children, we are judged on their successes, failures, accomplishments, and friends. Loving a child is letting them make mistakes, letting them learn, and allowing the process to be without our efforts to control.When we truly love unconditionally, we choose to stop clenching a fist and start opening the palm. So those we love have a hand to grab onto for support, a high five for congratulations and a hug for comfort. When we struggle in life, we seek the supportive individuals in our lives with the open hand to connect with and seek guidance, we seek something to grasp and to hold. We don't tend to grasp a fist because a fist does not unite, a fist does not strengthen, comfort or support.When we truly love we love with an open hand, we love by having the willingness to let go without any expectation.Rachel Velishek is a native of Sandusky. A licensed Professional Clinical Counselor ( LPCC) with more than 11 years of professional experience providing clinical diagnostic assessment, psychotherapy for all ages, and relational counseling. Advanced training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy ( CBT), certified in evidenced-based Grief Recovery Method, certified clinical trauma professional and a member of the international Association of Trauma Professionals. Member of the Ohio Counselors Association. Presently residing in Columbus and employed at Licking Memorial Health Systems.Rachel Velishek