Try these tactics to deal with negative co-workers

I am in a fortunate position to work in an office where I can honestly say I enjoy spending my time. Most days I have no complaints, but I have worked in places where a coworker's attitudes and behaviors can directly influence others and may contribute to a negative work environment.Every employer has at least that one person: The diva, the know-it-all, the complainer, the suck-up, the bully, the backstabber, the pessimist. Regardless of the type of toxic coworkers, they have the potential to wreak havoc and increase stress that can affect your emotional and physical well-being. The reality is we cannot facilitate any change except change for ourselves. The only person capable of transforming negative coworkers into positive, pleasant, collaborative individuals are themselves. The inability to change others does not mean give in and surrender; there are some things that you can do to change how you react to negative individuals.Be Prepared — I have referenced before the effectiveness of composing responses to situations so you are prepared with a comeback. This also applies in the workplace. Toxic individuals are predictable people: The diva will be overdramatic, the complainer will always complain, the pessimist will minimize or deny the positive. So predict the reaction of your coworker to prepare your own response. When unprepared, you are more likely to emotionally react to feelings of anger, frustration or hurt. And the behaviors displayed will not accomplish anything, it will more than likely make a bad situation worse. Take the time to practice your response, play out the scenario in your head to increase your confidence in responding. For example if you anticipate the know-it-all cutting you off in a meeting, then a response such as "I am confident you have the answer, but I would like to share my input first…" may resolve the situation.Boundaries and Expectations — I have talked with parents, spouses, and professionals about the importance of clear boundaries and expectations. I emphasize the importance of developing clear, firm expectations in the beginning with the idea that it is easier to remove them then to add them later.When dealing with a negative coworker, do not reinforce negativity. Implement the boundaries and do not participate in the office drama; remove yourself from the negativity and communicate your expectations. If you worry about the office backstabber and gossip queen, communicate the importance of separating work and personal life or that you have no interest in engaging in office gossip, and remove yourself. Remember to not react to others negativity; it will be tempting, but it will only complicate the situation. By remaining consistent in your own response, it reduces your emotional reaction and enforces logical reasoning. The game played by toxic coworkers is not fun for them if no one participates.Reduce personalization and blame — What we say is who we want to be; what we do is truly who we are. The actions displayed by coworkers is a reflection of their personal character, not yours. Try to not take things that are said personally. The majority of the time negative and or toxic individuals in the workplace are like that because of their own unresolved issues, social development, or insecurities. It is not an excuse for the behaviors, but is a possible explanation. Seek out something of common interest, something that will help both of you co-exist and connect in the work place.There is no perfect approach to respond to toxic and or negative coworkers, but some of the following techniques have been found to reduce the intensity of a situation:Start with "I" or "we" statements — avoid "you." If I said "you are being rude and that comment was offensive" more than likely the listener in the scenario will be defensive, but if I say "I am offended, and I am hurt that you feel that way" more than likely the individual will be more receptive to problem solving.Arguments are not won by who is the loudest; problems have not been solved through intense expression of emotions. Try your best to avoid emotions, remain calm, sit down, maintain eye contact, keep the voice low and controlled — it will help de-escalate a situation.We all have a different sense of humor, so avoid sarcasm. Avoid defensiveness; comments such as "you don't know what you're talking about, or that's not true I never did that" are defensive. Try responding with concern, "Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Can we sit down and review the information you gathered together and work on this?"Avoid engagement. Typically I am not an advocate of avoidance, but some things we naturally avoid for our own safety and well-being. If the negative behaviors continue despite your efforts, then remove yourself from the equation. It is okay to politely disengage; the longer you remain present for the negative behaviors, or the longer it is tolerated, the more difficult it becomes to remove yourself and disengage.Try implementing boundaries, a calm tone and controlled body language. If that does not work, then politely respond with "I am distracted by the yelling and having a hard time listening. I would like to resolve this issue later when emotions are more calm and controlled" and then walk away. Yes, it is okay to walk away as long as the reason why is communicated and a time is set to resolve conflict later.Most important remember that a person only has the control that you give them; do not let others have power over you in the workplace. You have control over your own reaction and response in the workplace.Rachel Velishek is a licensed professional clinical counselor with Fisher-Titus Behavioral Health, Fisher-Titus Medical Park 2, Suite C, 282 Benedict Ave., Norwalk. Her office can be reached at 419-668-0311. For more information on Fisher-Titus Behavioral Health, visit fishertitus.org/behavioral-health.