Understanding the risk factors for infidelity

One of the major reasons I chose to compose the series on relationship is in response to the multiple reports of infidelity from people of every age, both genders, married, engaged, dating, homosexual and heterosexual couples.It appears that the frequency and types of betrayal have exploded over the past few months. It appears that for reasons I have yet to understand that people are becoming more increasingly entitled to betray loved ones or anyone who they trust.More than 90 percent of Americans believe infidelity is unacceptable, but 30-40 percent of people engage in it. So, if so many believe it is wrong, then why such an issue? I think it's important to first clarify what is infidelity, and yes, it is apparently an unknown definition for some.The explanation that I would use in a therapeutic setting to define betrayal in an intimate relationship occurs when either partner lies, cheats, misuses family funds, pervasively criticizes, yells and or abuses their partner. What appears to be questioned most frequently is emotional infidelity which is any situation that creates or causes some degree of emotional unavailability on the part of one partner and has a direct affect in one aspect of the relationship and the quality of the relationship as a whole.Emotional infidelity is the need of or desire to separate yourself from your primary relationship without leaving the relationship. Some argue that emotional infidelity can even occur in friendships, when we confide in our friends more than our spouse, or any platonic relationship that results in emotional instability in the relationship. The acts of betrayal are a violation of the commitment to love your partner. A person who truly loves you, and the person who you truly love and trust, will always care about your wellbeing, and never intentionally hurt you emotionally, physically, or mentally.So the question becomes, why? The answer is simple. Opportunity. We seek connection, we seek communication, and in our society the opportunity to communicate and the ability to communicate with anyone, anywhere has significantly increased. Infidelity does not just happen. It is or was not a lapse in judgement or a mistake, but an opportunity to engage in an emotional or sexual relationship with someone other than your partner. With increased opportunity, the risk of betrayal increases.According to some research, the following risk factors for infidelity have been identified:· Relational reasons- When a person is not satisfied in their own relationship, unfulfilling sex, and high conflict, they're at a higher risk of infidelity. Research also shows that for people who cheat due to relational reasons are more likely to fall into the "once a cheater, always a cheater" category.· Other people cheat because of the situation (opportunity) they're in. Some people might be happy in their relationship, but the environment presents them with an opportunity. Some situations become temptations. Spending time in settings with attractive people can increase the likelihood of infidelity.· An imbalanced sex ratio, work environments where touching is involved or personal discussions take place or any opportunity for one-on-one interaction.· Individuals who reside in an urban area, opposed to rural settings are at greater risk of infidelity- people in metropolitan locations tend to have more liberal attitudes and beliefs, are more liberal about extramarital sex and the city itself has more people, which creates an opportunity for betrayal.Some people understand the idea that the more you try to prevent or restrict a person, the more likely the individual will seek it out. The idea of "off limits" can actually appear more desirable to some. Continuous communication and opportunity only intensifies the situation and promotes this distortion that things are better somewhere else or with someone else.All behaviors have a motive. The reason right now that you're reading this blog is motivated by something. Maybe you're having relational problems of your own or want to prevent relational problems. You might be one of my friends, family members, or even a patient. There is a motive. Understanding motives cannot eliminate the pain of betrayal, but understanding can reduce the likelihood of reoccurrence.Developing a deeper sense of meaning and understanding is absolutely without a doubt necessary whether a person remains in a relationship or not following infidelity or betrayal. Next week I will be focusing on moving forward following betrayal, the process of growth and healing, and learning to trust.Rachel Velishek is a licensed professional clinical counselor with Fisher-Titus Behavioral Health, Fisher-Titus Medical Park 2, Suite C, 282 Benedict Ave., Norwalk. Her office can be reached at 419-668-0311. For more information on Fisher-Titus Behavioral Health, visit fishertitus.org/behavioral-health.